I was born with a condition.
It’s not my fault.
I can fart on command.
They call me Master Trump.

I’ve set up my own cult.
We call it the Stinky Pants Club.
It’s full of people with abilities
That will turn you green with disgust.

Ben has got the world’s stinkest breath.
When he burps in public – people faint in a mess.

Daisy is shy, sweet and innocent,
But her feet stink like salty vinegar.
We all popped out to watch a new film,
And she decided to in-fumigated the entire cinema.

Dan The Man –
Always has the best plans
But his underarm odour – could kill – even Yoda.

We’ve recently welcomed our new arrival,
Melissa!
She has an intoxicating scalp.
Her hair oil and dandruff mix together –
Making a pungent goo –
That smells like a trout.

We roll like we’re super bad.
Kids dive into bushes when they see our wrath.
Shops and restaurants have to close,
When Daisy unravels her stinky toes.

My longest fart is over a minute –
It squelched,
It rhymed,
It was immeasurably infinite.

I’m sure I broke a world record,
But no-one would come out to measure it.

I farted once in the shopping mall
And people actually cried through their nose.
We walk with our heads held high.
We’re in the Stinky Pants Club –
That’s why.

Do you have a stinky talent?
Have you got a secret weapon you can patent?
If this sounds like you –
Keep an eye out
For the Stinky Pants Crew.

You never know
You could be a superhero too.

Mr Trump Learns How to Fly

Hello again
It’s me, Master Trump.
I’ve got another story for you.
Yes!
It’s super fun!

The other day I was walking to school.
I farted so loud
A man pooped in his shoe.
I’m not joking – this stuff is really true!

I’ve also discovered that I can fly –
Using my supersonic farts in a blink of an eye.
I wear my little brother’s nappies
And fill them up with hot air – I know – people stop and stare.
I couldn’t believe it – when I took off –
Faster than a cheetah’s cough.

I’ve been flying in the sky,
Between the clouds and trees.
The birds have pleaded and said, “please leave”.
But it’s too late for that –
I’m Master Trump!
With the fartiest bum in the Stinky Pants Club.

If you ever see a brown cloud from below
That’s probably me just letting one go.

Remember, I’m in the Stinky Pants Club.
A superhero –
Just putting on a show.

Mr Trumps New Cape

The Stinky Pants Club have been out on the prowl.
We’ve been chilling, relaxing and acting all foul!
Dan The Man just took his t-shirt off
And evacuated the park lifting his armpit hair.

Melissa walked into a posh Salon shop.
The manager had to be called because everyone’s jaw locked.

Daisy rocked up in her brand new flip flops.
We’ve had to wear nose clips as part of our props.

Ben had his first dentist appointment.
There was screaming, shouting and talk about using steroid ointment.

As you know, it’s me, Master Trump.
I’ve designed a new suit that can contain my pumps.
It’s gold with flashes of magic red.
It packs a secret button to release my full stench.
I’ve got a gold cape; it’s the first of it kind.
It can woft my farts carrying my intoxicating scent.

It’s cool.
It’s clever.
I make Batman look weaker than ever.

I’m the fabulous Master Trump –
Member of the Stinky Pants Club.

The Bully

Stop! Before you turn the page
Listen in –
I’ve got a story that wants to begin.

Did you hear about the Stinky Pants club?
It’s for superheroes that always win!

We walk with no fear.
We talk with no shame.
We have unique talents that change this whole superpower game.
Do you want to know more?
Well, listen in.
Let the story begin.

We heard about some trouble on the edge of the woods.
William, the bully, was tormenting the local kids.
He’s big and strong and wants to be Superman.
But that’s no problem for the Stinky Pants Clang.

As a goodwill gesture,
We decided to intervene –
And rocked down to the woods
With our stinky genetic genes.

Daisy confronted William first.
She released her rotten toenails,
It was like a bad dream.
William blinked, and tears started to stream,
He wasn’t prepared for what can’t be unseen.

Ben jumped in second,
With a smile
And the breath of rotten lettuce.
He breathed on William’s face
And he instantly turned green.

Melissa spoke to William after
And flicked dandruff into the air.
It was worse than a natural disaster,
As white fog filled the air.

Dan The Man stood like a statue,
And raised both hands above his head.
The stench could have knocked out a cat –
With no sense of smell.

We had William surrounded; it was my turn, yes!
Master Trump!
I was ready with my secret weapon.
I pressed it with a gush.
My fart bomb had been brewing.
It was worse than the London sewage.
I unleashed a stink that was full of puff,
And William fainted in the dust.

We saw William that very next day.
He was apologising to everyone he bullied.
He had witnessed and cowered
From the smell and the sour
Of the Stinky Pants Club –
Superpowers!

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The Stinky Pants Club will be returning soon! Pop back soon.