Humpty Dumpty marched all the way to China,
Humpty Dumpty came back with a virus;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Wore face masks and never went down the pub again.

Humpty Dumpty fell off his chair,
Humpty Dumpty got a cheer from his heir;
All the king’s carpenters and all the king’s cleaners
Got a pay rise so it didn’t happen again!

Humpty Dumpty put on some weight,
Humpty Dumpty couldn’t get a date;
All the king’s chiefs and all the king’s advisor’s
Put Humpty on a diet so he didn’t look like a fat pirate.

Humpty Dumpty finally met his princess,
Humpty Dumpty set a date for Skegness;
All the king’s bridesmaids and all the king’s best men
Got lost on the M11 and never did that journey again.

Humpty Dumpty never sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty loved to tell all the jokes;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Laughed at Humpty when he fell on a tent.

Humpty Dumpty lived in an eggshell castle,
Humpty Dumpty just wanted a few more tassels,
All the king’s architects and all the king’s designers
Built Humpty a grand cardboard egg box instead.

Humpty Dumpty was found dead after all,
Humpty Dumpty had ketchup on his wall;
All the king’s NHS staff and all the king’s survivors
Held a funeral and ate scrambled eggs as a reminder.

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